Are you attending a wedding soon? Here’s some hot tips on how to enjoy yourself without stomping over the main couple’s day.
It’s wedding season and there’s actually quite a bit of thought that goes into being a good wedding guest. You’ve got to think about your gift, who you want to take as your date and, what you’re going to wear because at the fore-front of self-respecting females the world-over is the command, ‘don’t choose a dress that will upstage the bride’. Indeed, they should make it a law because there is nothing worse that spending months planning your special and perfect day to have some trollop rock up in white, layered in diamonds, ready to upstage you!
Don’t worry, that didn’t happen at my wedding, family upstaged me instead *cough*. I’m not bitter.
Anyway, here’s a list of ways you can be a lekker wedding guest:
1) Don’t wear white
It’s almost sacrilegious and though it’s been said for decades, it is still number one on this list because people still defy this rule. There are exceptions of course, like when the Bride and Groom set the color palette or when the Bride herself wears a different color dress but in any other circumstance, don’t do it.
2) Don’t ignore the invite requirements
I shot a wedding where the bride had implicitly said no children…and people brought their kids. Not just one kid, three. There was no table space for them, no catering, and they had the audacity to be upset with the bride and groom. I was shooketh. If an invite says “no kids” or “no jeans” don’t be a tool and think you’re above it. It’s. Not. Your. Day!
3) Put your phone away
Why do people insist on taking photos on their phone during the aisle walk, or the first dance when they will never look at that grainy-ass pic ever again?! The couple have spent good money on a photographer, let them do their job whilst you try and be in the moment. And for the love of Noah’s arc, do not let your phone ring during the ceremony!
4) Don’t heavily flirt with the groomsmen/bridesmaids…or anyone
Just because you look so hot right now does not mean you can take the focus away from the happy couple by trying to sidle up to everything with a pulse.
I know there is some creepy male rule that sees the groomsmen trying to hook up with the bridesmaids but it’s 2020, not 1956.
And no Susan, your bra straps don’t need help being tightened and no one wants to comment on your bum. Sliding onto the floor with some 50 Shades of Grey moves during the couple’s first dance deserves a fire hydrant in the face.
5) Don’t start drinking games
Throwing back the tequila, wobbling towards the bride with a shot of something horrific and then half spilling it over her dress in your effort to “start the party” will make you look like an idiot. Go home Liam, you’re drunk!
6) Don’t bring up the groom’s or the bride’s exes
This could very well start a war and a story that begins with ‘remember when you were dating that guy/girl…’ is a cue for evil stares. Men love doing this in their speeches hey. I mean, sure, it’s cool if the couple can laugh about this but sometimes, it’s just plain awkward.
7) Don’t purposefully not having a good time.
Sitting there looking like a slapped arse and not trying to have even a little fun is just so tragic and it will be remembered by the bride and groom. Weddings are a chance to look idiotically happy and let your hair down, if you don’t want to be there, why go in the first place?
8) Don’t complain loudly
It’s not your day so get over the fact that it’s all 80’s cheese tracks, that the cake has fruit in it, that the wedding photographer didn’t want to take 5 different photos of you and your date, or that you had to pay for your booze at the bar. Force a smile and be happy for the couple.
9) Don’t dismiss the toasts
If someone raises a toast to the groom, even if you’re not his biggest fan, you better raise your damn glass out of respect. Again, if you don’t like the couple, why are you even at the wedding? Seriously, don’t go to “make a point” because the only point that will be remembered is that you’re a poop-hole.
Wow, I got kinda ranty there didn’t I?! Please tell me that you agree with a few of these though, that it’s not just me, fighting myself in a corner?