Last night Mr H and I finished watching another episode of Australian MKR, wondering why on earth people are so bitchy…and why they enter a cooking show if they can’t even cook. We turned off the TV, rolled into our comfortable sleeping positions and as I felt Bumpette’s persistent bladder kicks, I began to think about her impeding arrival. I thought about finishing the nursery and that glorious newborn smell, reminiscing about the moment she gets placed in my arms and in a split-second, I’ve memorized her entire face. But then my mind began to wonder to the actual practicalities and I began to panic.
I felt chills run like water down my body as I realized that I’m actually bloody nervous about it all. As much as I want to meet her face-to-face, I know I need to face labour again, crowning, breastfeeding, sleepless nights, constant panic, the delicacy of human life when it is so new.
This didn’t sound so daunting the first time round because a) I had no idea what I was actually going to face and b) I was so over being pregnant. This time, I’m going to be caring for a new baby AND a toddler. I’m going into this with my eyes fully open, I know how hard it can be, there’s no pretense.
I will undoubtedly experience moments of running to the bathroom with leaky boobs AND a crying baby, AND a needy toddler. There will be times when they are both crying at the same time. There will be times when I’m crying at the same time. What if I don’t get Rosie out of nappies before the baby arrives (potty training is kicking my ass parents!)? Will I be able ever shower or go to the toilet on my own again?
And my biggest fear, the fear that I pray against ALL THE TIME. What if Rosie reacts really badly to a new baby?
I want to tell myself that I’m focusing too negatively on this but am I? Did any of you feel these same fears the second, third time round? How did you counter-act them?
Also, Rosie doesn’t know about baby, not from lack of us talking about her, she’s just too young to comprehend. How then do I prepare her for meeting her sister?
I’d love to get your first-hand advice. Perhaps you are a pregnant mother, or doting father, who is feeling the same way?