Start 2016 without…

So many of us start every New Year with resolutions that we manage to keep for all of a week before a little cheat here and a little cheat there makes us conclude that the resolution wasn’t worth it in the first place. Kudos to those of you who have the staying power but I have never been one of them. My intentions are true, my resolve is weak.

This year I’ve decided that my list is to be made up of things/people/actions that I can jolly well do without in 2016, and I think others would also appreciate them too.

So here they are, my list of what we don’t need in 2016:

People (I could say in general because I’m such a me-person)

1. Those who act as scaremongers. I’m applying this mainly to those of you who are pregnant and trying but it applies to everyone who shares a dream or goal with someone and then has it broken down in front of them; If anyone finds a delight in saying something to you that makes you worry and doubt yourself, be rid yourself of them.
   For the pregnant lot, there seems to be some irritating consensus with mothers, especially those who have kids over 3, that they need to impart, on a daily basis, the immortal words “you have no idea what’s going to hit you”. This kind of talk is unnecessary and one can either answer it with, “you don’t either when menopause gets you” or just politely nod and walk away. I have now decided to ask them to keep those delightful phrases to themselves because after all, one person’s demon child is another’s sweet angel and I strongly believe that parenting and spousal support can play a huge and beneficial role in upbringing and parenthood.
2. The constantly busy. Wearing the “I’m so busy” statement like a badge does not make you a better person than anyone else. In many social situations, when the question of “how’s work?” is asked, the socially accepted answer seems  to be “I’m totally swamped, work is so hectic.” It’s as though we gain recognition from our peers the more crazy our lives are. Stress even seems to be the in thing.
3. The Banter. No diet in history has divided humans as much as Banting. I put that down to the irritating people who constantly feel the need to tell you that they are Banting and what they can and can’t eat and how nice their cardboard-looking piece of coconut and quinoa sesame seed loaf was. I honestly don’t care if the diet works, but as a courtesy to mankind, shut your mouth. It’s almost like a religion with those who bow to Tim Noakes trying to convert the rest of us. Worst are those who profess to be banters and then still eat carbs.
4. Capetonian drivers. Actually, any South African driver really, especially in the rain. Over the holidays people go berserk, they snap on their blinkers and forget that anyone else is on the road with them. Let’s try and have a better traffic year please.
5. Zuma. Obviously.

Things

1. GoPros. If you’re a sports fanatic and like to be on the open road, it’s pretty cool having a piece of equipment that will film your endeavors. If you’re a lazy voyeur who has fixed one to the inside of their car in the hope of capturing a real-time car accident, leave now.
2. Phone upgrades. The constant need to keep changing phones is costing a small fortune.
3. Added sweetners and sugar…in everything! 31.3% of South Africans are obese (according to Profmed) and that’s a figure that is likely to go up.
   I found that when I moved here, everything tasted sweeter and saltier. E numbers dominate and good chocolate with a high cocoa content is very expensive. I see a lot more people eating fast food because work hours are more trying and most times no one wants to get home after spending an hour in traffic to then slave in a kitchen. I also find that getting decent, fresh vegetables that last are also very pricey.
4. Bad customer service. Aside from allowing everyone to be able to complain, Twitter does help one find the best and worst brands around and it doesn’t give brands any leeway. If you’re a tool, everyone will know about it so I’m still confused as to why you think you can get away with it.
5. The ever weakening Rand. This is great for everyone abroad who wants a cheapo holiday to S.A but not so great for businesses that rely on imports and exports…or for sad British girls who just want to visit home once in awhile.
6. Bottled water. This irritates me no end especially when, for American companies alone, it takes around 1.39 liters to make you a bottle of the precious stuff. Please, if you need it filtered, buy a filter but stop buying the bottles.

Actions

1. Crouching in photos. WHY? Do those who take the picture ask you to hunker down as if you’re about to take a dump or do you honestly not know about the zoom-out button?
2. Being late. I get it, we’re in the Mother City, the chilled vibe that courses through your Capetonian veins is very strong, but does the lateness have to be over 30minutes? Saying this, I have become very bad of late with being late and I fear that it’s a nonchalance that has taken over my British sensibilities.
3. Drink driving. According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), South Africa tops the list of drunk-driving related deaths in the world. Let that sink in and please don’t drink and drive.
4. Sexism. Yes, it’s all very hilarious to keep asking me whether Mr H will actually clean a nappy because “he’s a man and men don’t do that.” Well Sir, I’m a woman and I prefer having an un-ripped vagina, maybe we can do a swap?
   This is so frustrating, why wouldn’t a father, just because he has a penis, not want to help with the baby? If he can “find the hole” then he can deal with the aftermath. (Sorry for the vulgarity)
   I had this when I was planning my wedding, a few older gentlemen would ask if I was ready to hone my cooking and cleaning skills. I almost honed my clobbering skills.

Anything you think is missing from my lists?